When a broken, defeated Jeb! Bush spoke to a crowd in New Hampshire in February, he couldn’t have known that the content of his actual speech would elicit the least attention on that historic day.
Trigger warning!
Reading this will subject you to potentially disturbing content such as but not limited to: being sucked through the time vortex
squirrels
brushing Donald Trump’s toupee
being stuck in line at my mom
your mom
tulips
the 62nd dimension
abduction by Vogons
the screams of every single blade of grass being cut
the event horizon of the black hole at the center of the universe
being turned down by Jack Harkness
waking up to find yourself aboard the ship from Alien and that it’s crashed into the same artic site as The Thing
going to tracking down Carmen SanDiego
clowns
the attempted mediation between Trekkies and Star Wars fans
finally having the time to read all the books you’ve ever wanted only to break your glasses
going through every challenge in Saw
being of the House of Abraxas
getting stuck between The Silence and a Weeping Angel
nearly defeating all levels of your favorite NES game only to have the power go out
having to choose between stopping Judas or stopping Hitler
being a Weeping Angel in an art museum
being a peacock when your boss won’t let you fly
getting stuck working the returns desk fromhaving Q show up to ruin your day
finding Waldo
having your LTE high speed run out and getting booted all the way down to 2G
taking the cinnamon challenge with a parched throat
finding out what happened to the last crew or die trying
istening to nails on a chalkboard for the rest of your life
explaining to the dinosaurs why they can’t come on the Ark
getting stranded on a planet where it rains glass
being John Malkovich in Being John Malkovich
finding a splinter in a haystack
and getting sucked into the cuilverse–Michon Neal
Sweaty hands clasped around one another, shoulders sunken, the pitifully nepotistic presidential candidate ever as thrilling as a lukewarm bowl of soup suddenly, confidently, thrust his arms to his sides and spoke:
“Please clap.”
These two simple words will define Jeb!’s campaign for years after his early exit from the presidential race. His legacy will rest upon their sheer immortality. And to this perpetually unfulfilled writer, that’s anything but bad.
It may have been chilly outside, but the revolution brewing inside the quaint Hanover Inn quickly fired up the nation. The tenacity of “please clap” defines our generation – nay, all generations. And if this means a young white man who plays “Wonderwall” on his acoustic guitar at his university quad finally has a cause with which he can identify, then that’s something worth supporting.
Jeb!, the unflavored toothpaste of presidential candidates, whose unironic exclamation point long contradicted his moroseness, earned his vindication that evening. His unmitigated fervor may have contributed to the beginning of the end of his campaign, but his battle for self-actualization was won.On that day, one man’s cry for recognition was finally heard.
On that day, “please clap” became the unofficial rallying cry of all people who yearn for more.
I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a phrase we can all use to better our lives.
Please clap.
Why Trigger Warnings Is The Biggest Threat To Discourse
— Thinkpiece Bot ()
Why I Love "Please Clap"
— Thinkpiece Bot ()
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